Why should you have a 'second marriage' wedding for your first wedding?

The first time I got married, I was worried about making sure everyone else's needs and expectations were met. I am my parent's only daughter and so wanted to make sure they had the wedding experience they wanted. My mother in law to be had been excluded from her other son's wedding preparations, so I attempted to include her in decision making processes. 

I wore white, despite being almost 4 months pregnant. We got married in a church, as this was important to my parents. We had a formal meal, raft of speeches, first dance, bouquet toss, etc. It was a fun day, and I gladly allowed others to have the elements that were so important to them. 

This time around, 15 years later, it is all about what we want. We are fully funding the wedding, and as such, we are able to create our perfect day, for us. 

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have had a very different first wedding! 

The best thing about your wedding, is that it is the opportunity for you and your significant other to work together on a day that you will remember forever. You may wish to call on friends and family for their assistance and opinions, but at the end of the day, it is YOUR big day. If they have a different vision, let them follow that for THEIR big day. 

I have been so inspired by one of my closest and most amazing friends (you know who you are CC) ;) who had a beautiful wedding a few years back. Also her second marriage, her and her husband were able to capture the elements of a first wedding, paired with the simplicity and purpose of a second wedding. 

Reality TV programs such as Four Weddings, My Fair Wedding, even the blasted Kardashians set unrealistic expectations of what a wedding looks like. Pinterest and Etsy further fuel the hype of what your perfect wedding day must contain.  

Traditions, while lovely, are not for everyone. Some traditions can be symbolic and beautiful, while others bear a weight of expectation. 

This time, we are having a very short ceremony. Our celebrant is amazingly quirky and specialises in small, no fuss ceremonies. My fiance and I have agreed that we do not need lengthy vows, we tell each other and show each other every single day how much we love each other and for us, there is no need to publicly declare or detail this love. This ceremony will either be in the large foyer area of our venue, or on the large balcony (depending on the weather, and we can made this decision on the day). This decision has saved us both the expense of booking a venue for the ceremony, but also took the worry out of having to have a back up venue in the event of bad weather. 

I am wearing ivory. I did struggle with this in the very beginning but I am so happy with my dress, and my decision was more about looking fabulous than adhering to any kind of tradition. My boys will be walking me down the aisle. 

Sorry Dad, you have already had a go... 

We do not have a 'bridal party'. But rather two witnesses who get their name on the official certificate. If there were spaces for three, four, five, a dozen, we would have our nearest and dearest's names on there too :) 

There will not be a chair cover in sight. Nor chair sashes. The tables will be adorned with plain white tablecloths and glass jars, many of which have held the contents of past dinners (pasta and stiry fry sauces) or have been gathered from dollar shops or second hand stores. I will eventually get around to blogging about them too. 

There will no 'first dance'. My fiance does not like to dance and so we asked ourselves why should we put ourselves through something that we do not want to do, just because it is a tradition? 

Bonbonnieres. Nope! 

Bridal cars. Nope!

Open bar. Nope!

Long range weather forecast before locking in a date? Nope! I don't mind if it absolutely pisses down. It was a dreadful June day when we had our first date, so why should our wedding day be any different? 

It is incredible how many things I found myself doing at my first wedding, that really aren't important this time. Don't get me wrong, I still want to have an awesome wedding day, but I am really just stoked to be marrying The Flash :)    

I have just read in a bridal group on Facebook, about a bride to be (or b2b) who is looking to spend over $10,000 on a photographer and videographer. If you have the cash to spend, go for it. But I can tell you from experience, that a  $1000 photo package gets divided/ceremonially burnt in the same way as a $10,000 package does if the marriage does not work out.

And I guess that is the point that I am trying to make. Rather than starting your lives together with mountains of debt and expectation, marry the person you love, the way you want to. Every marriage is a half chance of going the distance, so why not focus your time and energy on your relationship in the long term, than on one day?